Mimi’s fight with depression and Anxiety
MIMI’S STORY
Hello all! My name is Aqila Benjamin the creator of NetworkCon a conference that is an immersive experience in networking and cultivating collaboration over competition happening at the Walter E. Washington DC Convention center August 25th-28th. Creator of “Network Your Ass Off” a workshop that focuses on teaching soft skills, networking foundations and brand building. I am a specialist in strategy planning, teaching professional development practices and training in customer services. As well as being knowledgeable on Social Media management and branding. Oh yea I have bipolar disorder and anxiety lol I laugh because although my mental health has caused many speed bumps it has never stopped my journey. I was diagnosed when I was a teenager. Unfortunately I found that out because I was standing near train tracks and had the strongest urge to jump in front of them. I was feeling…tired to explain it clearly. I remember going into the hospital (that was my first out of 4 times to come) and my good friends Jennie & Brina Correa came to see me before they took me back. I remember feeling embarrassed that they knew why I was in there but also FREE because hiding this as a teenager was hell!
Photo Credit - Crystal Vail Spearman @EyeImagery
My sisters Amika Benjamin, Atiya Hayes and my mother Dorinda Doedoe Benjamin got the worst of my episodes because me being unclear on how to navigate this diagnosis made me even more manic. My “Episodes” came whenever they fucking felt like it (lol). Some were triggered by something specific and some were just because. And before you ask YES I was seeking therapy even though I was on medication for a long time. But we know how the system used to do “US” when we spoke about these things. I was pushed to the side. I was told that I needed to lose weight lol man all types of shit. I felt so alone and hopeless. Now that more POC and celebrities are speaking up about their issues and providing resources it’s more and more people speaking up about their experiences.
Although I’ve struggled my whole life, in 2021 I experienced the darkest time of my life. I had stretched myself thin to please everyone. So much that I was sick for an entire month. I was dizzy, seeing black dots, confused and disoriented, unable to read a sentence because the words seemed to be jumping all over the page. I neglected MYSELF because people constantly needed me; calling me all types of morning and night. Seeing me physically sick and still asking me to do shit because they for what reason couldn’t. I came to find out I had two ear infections and an abscess in my jaw line…yes it was my responsibility to get myself checked out but understand, when you have a mental illness, you become a “people pleaser” and/or if you go to extreme accidents to hide the fact that you are struggling.
Photo Credit - DAI777 @dai777
The last episode I had resulted in me blacking out. From what I was told it was the worst one that I’ve ever had. I sit back and I look at so many people who told me in my past that I need to pray it away. Or when I bought it up they turned the conversation into their issues. I heard about the people who even laughed in my face and told me I need to chill out with that crazy shit. I had a talk with my new friend/sister and she helped me put so many things into perspective. I told her that I felt like I had cement tied to my ankles and I was sinking into the ocean, but I didn’t even have the strength or will to want to swim up. She told me that at the end of the day the choice is mine but before I make any decisions reflect on if I really had a chance to indulge and cater to me. She asked me when was the last time I spent some time alone. When is the last time I told people no without feeling bad about it. She asked me when was the last time that I put myself first. I couldn’t even give a clear answer because there was no such thing as putting Mimi first. Which is funny because when people ask me what my favorite things are I can’t even tell them but if they ask me about an ex or my sister‘s favorite things then I will know. I decided it was time to make a change.
But after every storm there is a rainbow! Through that pain birthed “Roots Of Fatima” a creative outlet that allows me to design and create pieces that inspire me. Since launching my brand I’ve done 18 pop up shops. Been included in 2 fashion shows. Including my SOLD OUT fashion showcase debut “The Crowning”. I'm on my way to Seattle, WA for “Africa Fashion Week” and will be participating in “Harlem Fashion Week” during NY Fashion week. Also because I speak loudly about my mental disorder the response has been so supportive. So many people have told me that they can relate and wished they had a safe space. I will be launching “The Strong Friend” meet ups to help create them. One thing about me that I will never be ashamed of is that I am HUMAN! I now allow myself to feel and freely express myself without a care of how others view me. I now know that I am my only limit. So why not become limitless?
1. I want y’all to generally check on your friends and family. Some of them are struggling mentally and can’t see a light at the end of any tunnel. They feel like the only way out is to end their life. Although you guys are not therapists or God you can still make a huge difference in someone’s life by just checking in on them. Realizing the signs of depression and desperation. Take it easy on them if they don’t respond right away. Or if they don’t answer your phone calls when you want them to. Or if they say no they don’t want to come out. Because trust me on this one is hard as hell to even get out of bed sometimes.
2. If you are like me it is OK to say no! You don’t even have to say it nasty. You can say it with a smile. You can say it kindly. You can say it with a little chuckle behind it. But please stop forcing yourself to please everyone. If they really love you and care for you they will understand that you’re unable to do whatever they’re asking and check on you later. It is OK to speak on you not feeling well. Stop suppressing your struggles and living your truth! Your mental health is enough reason for you to walk away from any situation you are not comfortable with.
3. This is for everyone reading as you are so worthy. Don’t worry about validation or confirmation from anyone! Your business is VALID! Your body is BEAUTIFUL! You are AMAZING! And most importantly YOU ARE WORTHY OF GENUINE LOVE!
Photo Credit - DAI777 @dai777
QSM: Mimi, you know I have loved you from day one. And each time I talk to you I learn more about you, which makes me love you even more. But this is Mental Health Awareness Month and I really wanted to talk to someone that can help US get the message out that this is REAL! And it can no longer be ignored. So let’s get started. Let’s talk about family for a moment. Is there a background of mental health disorders in your family?
Mimi: I love you tooooo! I swear you are one of my FAVORITE human beings on this planet! I appreciate you reaching out to me and allowing me to speak on something that holds such a special place in my heart.
As far as family On my mother side I don’t know about anyone having my particular diagnosis, Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety. I just know about the depression people experienced. As far as my father, which is interesting because he wasn’t really present in my life, I believe he did have issues with mental health. When he passed, I heard stories about him that parallels with people who struggle mentally.
QSM: We get treatment for physical health problems such as cancer, heart disease and diabetes. Why do you think getting help for mental illness is so hard for so many?
Mimi: Although there has been a lot more awareness on the topic of mental health over the years. Especially amongst people of color there is a lack of immediate resources. Not because there aren’t specialists to help but because of people being afraid to ask for help. I was one of them, so I speak from experience. People suffer in silence which makes them feel alone.
QSM: Why is it so important to help reeducate others about the misconceptions of mental illness?
Mimi: Depression doesn’t always look like dark, messy rooms. They look like CEO’s, Influencers, Teachers, Moms/Dads, siblings and best friends. So it’s important for people to understand changed behaviors in their loved ones. Understand changes within themselves.
QSM: Generally speaking, I have always appreciated how transparent you are (with everything). Why have you chosen to share your story with people?
Mimi: I decided to share my story because I know how it feels to think that you are alone. When you are in the darkest spaces others can’t understand how that feels. Especially thinking you are the only one amongst friends and family that are also experiencing this pain. So if I can be a light to anyone struggling in silence then that’s what I’ll continue to do!
QSM: What do you say to people who think you are “crazy”?
Mimi: I am! Lol so back the hell up. Just kidding! To be honest I really don’t care. That’s what people label us because that’s their perception of mental illnesses. So the only thing we can do is keep educating the public.
QSM: For me I have always disliked that fact that it takes celebrities to come out and validate an idea, product or even an illness before people can be bold enough to speak up. What are your thoughts on that?
Mimi: You know I’m on the fence about it. It’s like a bittersweet type of situation. I do think back when I was talking about it to people, and they brushed it off or made me feel like an alien. Now it seems to be a lot less taboo to speak about it. Which brings a level of comfort.
QSM: Let’s talk about how this has affected your entrepreneurial journey. Or has it?
Mimi: HELL YEA! lol now one might not know it but there were times I would have really bad anxiety attacks before events or speaking engagements. Literally right before hitting the stage! Which caused me to be an extreme procrastinator. So getting organized was the only way for me to get back on track which was hard because mentally I was unable to function properly. I’m what they call a high functioning depressive so sometimes I am in autopilot. Now I try and do self-care after and before projects.
QSM: How are you using your platform to get the word out about mental health awareness.
Mimi: I always have spoken up about mental wellness on my social platforms but now I’m more intentional. I speak specifically about having bipolar and anxiety. How I make sure I balance being an entrepreneur and influencer with these diagnoses. I give my true testimony and how I don’t let it define me.
QSM: The world is going through some heavy changes these days. I talk to people every day about how it has affected them emotionally, but for people who have true mental health disorders, I can only imagine how tough it has been. How have you been dealing with it all?
Mimi: Whewwww! To be honest I don’t even know sometimes lol What I try and do more is turn my phone off. Which is hard because I own multiple businesses. I actually just made a post about this. Social media can be an extreme trigger. Outside of that I’ve been really true to my version of self-care. Also saying NO and not providing a reason why. Setting major boundaries.
QSM: When it comes to social media, I have noticed a few influencers speak out about their personal journeys with their mental disorders. How do you balance that?
Mimi: Social Media is a powerful tool and resource. I try to be careful and Strategic about what I post. The balance comes from making sure that when you do talk about it you only talk from a positive place. Make it as uplifting as possible. Keep your business off social media, do not go too deep in your actual life. People do not appreciate it as much as you think. They will twist and use your words/actions against you. So making sure it’s just the surface and spoken upon for awareness and advocacy is the key!
QSM: What are some of the signs that we should be looking out for that might alert us that someone might not be ok?
Mimi: The number one sign isn’t someone’s physical appearance. It’s them being extremely active, like always ready to go place to place. Or indulging in another project. Or someone being completely disconnected. Always turning down a meet up. Or vaguely answering questions about how they are doing. It’s a true form of High functioning depression.
QSM: See this is interesting because I never would have thought that a person wanting to be overactive would be one of the signs. Is it to keep them distracted?
Mimi: Exactly! When you are super busy it distracts you from dealing with your own issues. It helps your escape reality by ignoring the pain you don’t want to accept. So check on those friends who are always busy but seem a little off.
QSM: Thank you so much Mimi for always being so transparent. While we have you, please let everyone know what you have coming up and how they might be able to follow and support.
Mimi: Thank you all for being such a support to me and the community. NetworkCon is right around the corner! August 25th-28th in Washington, DC at the Walter E. Washington convention center. “NetworkCon IS the premiere convention that caters to artist, entrepreneurs, creatives and influential people who are seeking unfiltered access to resources to help them grow professionally. As well as learn how to network and gain opportunities that are built for them.
Also on the topic of Mental Wellness stay tuned for the STRONG FRIEND meet ups! Details launching soon!
Get involved by visiting www.NetworkConDC.com”. This will NOT be another boring conversation but a chance to help us push the narrative of COLLABORATION over COMPETITION
Mental Health Awareness Month has been observed in May in the United States since 1949. The month is observed with media, local events, and film screenings. Mental Health Awareness Month began in the United States in 1949 and was started by the Mental Health America organization
Call 911 if you or someone you know is in immediate danger or go to the nearest emergency room.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255); En español 1-888-628-9454
Use Lifeline Chat on the web
The Lifeline is a free, confidential crisis service that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The Lifeline connects people to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
