FROM HEARTBREAK TO HEALING:
HER JOURNEY TO REDISCOVERING LOVE AND PURPOSE
Photo by Shawn Bennett @sbimagin
Schanica Pickens, a name well-known in both the beauty and academic worlds, has built a remarkable career. As a self-taught makeup artist, Schanica has crafted beauty on some of the most notable faces, and as the Assistant Dean of Student Affairs and Director of the MSW Program at Adelphi University, she has mentored future leaders for 15 years. But behind her professional success is a deeply personal story of resilience, heartbreak, and the rediscovery of love.
On October 11, 2009, everything changed. Schanica’s engagement ended suddenly, leaving her as a single mother to her then-young son. “I went from being happily engaged to becoming a single head of household overnight,” she recalls. The emotional toll was heavy, and for nearly three years, she struggled with depression. Despite her own heartbreak, the world kept moving, and Schanica had to find a way to move with it.
“I was still expected to parent my son, provide for him, pay the bills, and hold space for others who were leaning on me for support,” she says. In those dark days, she found herself turning to God for strength. “I trusted God to guide my decisions and guard my heart,” she reflects. Yet, even with her faith, the journey was tough. “I felt like I lost my sense of self—no longer feeling lovable, capable, or worthwhile.”
During this challenging period, Schanica left her job and faced financial uncertainty. “I became a statistic—underemployed and with an empty bank account,” she says. However, through the unwavering support of her family, particularly her parents and cousin Keidra, she found the strength to keep going. "They were my ultimate anchors of love and light."
Professionally, Schanica continued to build her reputation as a talented makeup artist. Her career highlights include serving as Key Makeup Artist for fashion shows and photoshoots, recruiting and managing beauty teams as a Beauty Director, and working with celebrities such as Donshea Hopkins from Power, MariahLynn from Love & Hip Hop: New York, and the legendary Nile Rodgers. She even provided makeup services for community programs like The American Cancer Society’s Look Good Feel Better, giving back through her artistry.
Despite her professional success, her heart still longed for healing. “I tried dating, but it was always an epic fail. I was still so wounded,” she admits. “I realized I had to reclaim my self-worth and heal before I could truly open my heart again.”
And heal she did. Schanica entered a new chapter of her life with newfound purpose, and in December 2021, she met her partner, Marcus, on the Facebook Dating App. “Love under new management has been glorious,” she smiles. Marcus, who works in finance and the hospitality industry and is now employed within the NYC government sector, brought a sense of stability and partnership that Schanica had been praying for. "I prayed that God would bless me with a man like my father, and to my surprise, Marcus is that person."
Now, with both of their children in their senior years of college—Schanica’s 20-year-old son and Marcus’s 22-year-old daughter—the couple is preparing for a new chapter of their own: marriage. “I’m in my bridal woman era, and I couldn’t be happier,” Schanica shares, beaming.
Schanica Pickens’ journey is a story of resilience, faith, and the power of love—love for oneself, for family, and for a partner. Today, she stands as an inspiration to women who may find themselves in the midst of heartbreak, reminding them that with faith, support, and healing, new beginnings are always possible.
QSM: You’ve shared that your engagement ended suddenly. Can you share what led to that moment, and how you coped with the emotional aftermath of such an unexpected life change?
Schanica: The ending of my engagement was abrupt and lacked clarity, it was out of left field, a total shock to me and others and unfortunately cannot speak to what led up to it. My coping mechanisms lent itself to prayer, deep thoughts, expressing distressing emotions such as crying, challenging beliefs such as it was due to weight gain after having our child, I was not good enough to become a wife, or perhaps single life was my destiny. However, I am grateful for my support system for helping me cope and discourage those beliefs.
QSM: Your story of heartbreak and resilience is incredibly inspiring. Can you take us back to the moment when you realized your engagement was over, and what those first few weeks of adjusting to single motherhood were like for you emotionally?
Schanica: October 11, 2009, marked a life changing moment. In the blink of an eye, I went from being happily engaged to becoming a single head of household. I was depressed and in a pure funk for almost 3 years, spent my days and some nights crying non-stop but I had to navigate that space that I was in. It was during those moments when I realized that no matter how heartbroken I was, the world did not stop for my grief. I was still expected to parent my son and provide for him as if this life altering matter did not happen as well as pay bills and hold space for others that were vulnerable, dealing with traumatic experiences, who also leaned on me to support and guide them.
QSM: You mentioned that you leaned heavily on your faith during those dark times. How did your relationship with God evolve during your healing journey, and what role did prayer and spirituality play in guiding you through your grief?
Schanica: I have always been a believer in God, however having to turn to him during that very emotional time for which I found myself having to surrender and allowing myself to intentionally lean on and wholeheartedly trust God to fully lead and guide my decision making and guard my heart. I considered that season to be "the finale" of my life; my sense of self-concept was shot, no longer feeling lovable, capable, responsible and worthwhile. Spirituality played a significant role because it connected me to those who also experienced heartbreak, it gave me hope, a sense of purpose and ultimately peace.
QSM: How did you get started with your career as a makeup artist?
Schanica: My mother’s battle with stage 4 Breast Cancer is what ignited my interest in pursuing makeup. The visitations to the nursing/rehabilitation facility were wrought with having to observe her in the most vulnerable condition ever. Her inability to speak and limited mobility (i.e. putting on her favorite Red lipstick) was lost. This one particular day, around 2AM, God spoke to my spirit and said, “Go visit your mother” and on that day when I looked into her eyes, I just knew that she was approaching her transitional stage of succumbing to that disease. I looked into her eyes, leaned over, kissed her and whispered, “mom God spoke to me and said that being selfish was not serving a purpose and that it was time to release you to his care”. I accepted that fact yet very emotional and said, “I have a final request which was “Where does my talent/gift lie”? She gestured by tracing her lips and pointing to the dresser where her lipstick sat. That meant that she wanted it applied to her lips, which I did. The very next day a co-worker posted pictures of her photoshoot, and she was wearing red lipstick. She looked so beautiful and that gave me the idea to do my very own professional shoot which was amazingly fun and for the very first time I had my very own makeup done which inspired me to pursue the makeup profession.
QSM: Navigating your career as a professional makeup artist while being a single mom couldn’t have been easy. What kept you going, and how did your passion for beauty help you stay grounded during that period?
Schanica: It was not easy as I was also working my full-time job. However, I created a mantra “Married to Makeup” which grounded me. Being able to provide a therapeutic service and experience to others actually gave me peace, nourished my soul as it became my new escape, something that I fell in love with. It also kept me busy, yielded income, gained experience and introduced me to a whole new world, where I gained new perspectives while being able to interact with people of diverse backgrounds.
QSM: It took you nearly three years before you felt ready to date again. What was the biggest lesson you learned during that time about self-love and healing, and how did that impact your approach to relationships moving forward?
Schanica: I dated to fill a void, and, in each moment, there was emotional emptiness- no connection at all and so relying on the other person's presence to make me happy was not enough in helping me to reclaim my worth, indulge in self-love and heal. I really had to dig deep internally and be kind to myself. It wasn’t until I regained my self-concept- feeling loveable, capable, worthwhile and responsible and so regaining my self-love stimulated my healing.
QSM: You are not only a successful makeup artist but also the Assistant Dean of Student Affairs and Director of the MSW Program at Adelphi University. How did balancing these two demanding careers, along with motherhood, shape you into the woman you are today?
Schanica: Growing up in a God-fearing two-parent household along with my siblings inspired me and shaped me into the woman I am today. Both parents were hardworking individuals and simply had a great impact on my life. I observed them balancing and embracing life challenges while always encouraging us to be honest, caring, loving and respectful citizens in life. Makeup is my peace, the respite I need from the day-to-day challenges in the workplace. Being a mother is work, however motherhood brings me such joy and that’s my proudest accomplishment. My son is low maintenance, easy going, responsible, ambitious and loveable. He makes it easy to parent him, and I thank God for that.
QSM: Family seems to have played a critical role in your healing process, especially your parents and cousin Keidra. How did their support and love help you regain your strength, and what message do you have for women who may not have that same support system?
Schanica: My family are God fearing individuals. My mother always said, “Pray to your God,” and in the words of John Paul Jones, “if fear is cultivated it will become stronger, if faith is cultivated it will achieve mastery”. My solid relationship, support and encouragement from my son’s paternal grandparents cannot go unnoticed. Everyone’s essence of optimism was a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope and enabled me to hold my head high, to claim the future for myself and not to abandon my greatness.
QSM: In December 2021, you met Marcus, who has now become your life partner. What was different about this relationship, and how did you know that you were finally ready to embrace love again?
Schanica: I became older and wiser and operated with a great deal of intentionality, dated with a purpose. Also, I recognized that I had a need and right to spend part of my life caring for my soul which meant going against all of the pervasive, prove-yourself values of womanhood “being a strong Black woman” and treasuring what was unique, internal and valuable for myself and my very own personal evolution. My journey of forgiveness allowed me to embrace and give love another chance to make a new beginning.
QSM: You’re now in what you call your “Bridal woman era,” preparing for marriage. What does love to mean to you today, and how has your understanding of partnership changed since your first engagement?
Schanica: Love under new management has been nothing short of glorious and fun. I've regained my self-concept. I am whole and so in the process of re-engaging the dating scene, it was with a purpose and that was intentionality. I prayed to God that he blessed me with my King, someone honorable just like or close to my dad. To my surprise, I met my amazing person, Marcus in December 2021 on the Facebook Dating App and now I'm in my Bridal woman era embarking on matrimonial bliss, the one very thing that once felt impossible. Finding love for me in this lifetime meant seeking partnership and romance. Having a partner that’s secure financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually mature shapes our reality in terms of how we communicate, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and intentional in our approach to a healthy relationship.
QSM: As someone who works closely with both students and vulnerable populations, how has your personal experience with heartbreak and healing informed your approach to mentoring and guiding others through their own emotional challenges?
Schanica: My personal experience gave me the permission to feel and heal. It helped me grow as a person and work on becoming the best version of myself and not take anything for granted. Additionally, being an empath, I was highly attuned to the emotions of others which brought about new ways of thinking, being, sharing life lessons and engaging in problem solving. When I provide a service, interact with others I operate with intentionality and the 5C’s: competence, confidence, connection, caring/compassion and character. Also, healing-centered engagement allowed for me to focus on resilience and repair as opposed to pathologizing the damage. I learned coping strategies to work through the emotional challenges and so seeking support from the right people was critical.
QSM: With both of your children now in their senior years of college, you and Marcus are about to start a new chapter together. What excites you most about this next phase of your life, and how do you envision your future both personally and professionally?
Schanica: I am excited about our partnership, keeping our relationship grounded in God first is the foundation. We pray together and for each other. Also, spending quality time together is essential. One thing Marcus always says and actually does is DATE me. We enjoy each other’s company, and importantly we are friends. We are each other’s escape from this cruel world and offer a love to each other that encompasses the mind, soul, and heart. God has put us together to grow continually in unitive love and fidelity so that we are no longer two but one flesh. We are motivated by our children, they are lovable, respectful, driven and ambitious. Also, the co-parenting experience is nothing short of positive and conducive to their well-being. Our personal and professional vision is to always love each other, respect each other, trust each other and support each other’s goals and aspirations and encourage us to be our authentic selves.
all images by Shawn Bennett @sbimagin
