LOVE IS THE EXISTING BLACK
Love is a universal language that we all define in and on our own terms. When we add the extra ingredient of our blackness, love can take on a unique power that is shared through an ancestral lineage rich with traditions and customs that have been passed on through each generation and shaped by our own views on life. To take a deeper look at Black love as we know it today, I asked two couples what “Black love” means to them and what makes their love work. Prepare to feel the love and to find inspiration in your own unions.
Let’s talk love with Brian and Kissi Tru
QSM: How many years have you all been married?
Kissi: Tru and I have been married for 11 years and we have 5 beautiful children, ranging in age from 19 years -9months, who are all as close to perfection as a parent could dream of.
QSM: What is your definition of existing love?
Tru: Sacrificing for the benefit of another.
Kissi: Love isn’t something you can pinpoint as one specific thing. It’s an array of actions and emotions. Love is what inspires a person to become a better version of themselves for their own benefit, yes, but also for the benefit of another. When we got married Tru and I were two completely different people, vs the people we are today. We are to complement each other and help one another succeed.
QSM: Do you find it important to show love in front of your kids?
Tru: Indeed. I smacks ass often in front of the kids.
Kissi: Absolutely! I climb in his lap and allow him to cuddle me. I massage his hands, neck and back. I caress his shiny bald head. We kiss and hug a lot, It used to gross the kids out a bit but now they simply say awww y’all love each other.
QSM: How do you keep the flame and smoke burning in your relationship?
Tru: Constant projects. And being open to exciting approaches to intimacy.
Kissi: The flames are fanned and the smoke builds by watching him grind for our family, His big brain is the biggest turn on for me. Anytime I have a question or can’t figure something out, he always has or finds the answer I need. He supports me and our babies selflessly and that is for sure a TURN ON!
QSM: Any downside to being married or in a relationship.
Tru: Nope.
Kissi: Leaving behind the HEAUX’s sike sike sike... No actually I wouldn’t have it any other way. Brian Tru is the perfect mate for me. ( He is going to be so annoyed when he reads that hhahhahah)
QSM: How do you make time as a couple?
Tru: Get a routine for a season. Stick to it. You’ll know when that season is shifting. Then regroup for the next season.
Kissi: Although we do almost everything together and prioritize one another daily, we still schedule monthly date nights where we go out for extra fancy dinners, to our favorite hotels with the jacuzzi tubs, or just a staycation without the children.
QSM: Anything extra you would like to share that has helped you all a couple that would be light for other couples…
Tru & Kissi: Always communicate even if it hurts.
Now let’s talk love with Justin and Candyce Johnson
QSM: How many years have you all been married?
Justin and Candyce: We have been together going on 20 years. Married 12 years. We have 3 children.
QSM: What is your definition of existing love?
Justin and Candyce: It is extremely important for us to show love in front of our children. They need to know what a loving relationship/marriage looks like.
QSM: Do you find it important to show love in front of your kids?
Justin and Candyce: We keep the flame and the smoke burning by being attentive to each others needs. Learning each others love language and now getting away ever so often alone.
QSM: How do you keep the flame and smoke burning in your relationship?
Justin and Candyce: We make time as a couple by creating a monthly calendar of things we do daily together. Before going to bed, to help with our communication and quality time.
QSM: Any downside to being married or in a relationship.
Justin and Candyce: There is a downside to marriage only if you’re not willing to make it work. Marriage is not always strawberries and sugar. But when you are in it to Win there is not downside.
QSM: Anything extra you would like to share that has helped you all a couple that would be light for other couples…
Justin and Candyce: As a married couple we are very intentional about checking in with each other. We set aside time every week and check in on each other. We are completely honest about how we are feeling. If not married yet but headed there, attend premarital counseling with another couple that has been married 10+ years and will be brutally honest and is willing to share the ups and the downs of being married. If you are married I say find a seasoned married couple and learn from them.
Yes, Black love does exist!
